鳄鱼邓迪卖切糕
下午媳妇在QQ上交代（自从我前最好朋友弃我而去之后再也没用过微信）：亲爱的～晚上你做饭～啵～。末将得令，遂顶盔贯甲罩袍束带，唤军校抬刀备马，校军场点起三千铁骑，马嘶人沸，中军一杆大旗————六铺炕平南镇北大将军方，打开城门升起吊桥直奔菜市场杀将而去。
啧啧，好威风！后人有诗云balabalabala……
历经半小时鏖战，把小贩们杀得大败，我军缴获战利品无数：土豆三个，生猪肉半斤，白菜一颗等等不可详表，班师回朝，媳妇大大嘉奖一番且按下不表。忽闻隔壁邻居家传来金戈铁马之声，附耳得知，原来王二麻子下午也听媳妇差遣去买菜，买回来土豆一麻袋，猪肉两扇，白菜三车，活鱼一缸等等不可详表共计16万，现金告罄卡刷爆，余款只得与小贩签下二十年按揭慢慢付去吧。
王二麻子为何闯下如此滔天大祸呢？切糕您也在马路边看过，如果打算买，您会买多少？一巴掌宽？吃不了，像电脑包那么厚？也够呛能吃完。一指（手指头）宽或者二指宽应该差不多吧，5块一两也没多少的。就这么宽，一刀切下去，20cm见方（就你脸那么大），3斤左右，150元起。这玩意儿就这么个分量，比糯米面做的切糕沉多了去了！不信？那您上街买一块称称（马龙别去啊自从我前最好朋友分手之后你就自动替补成为现最好朋友了保重保重已经有人试过了咱就别去冒险了）。
一块随口吃吃的破切糕要1、200？！王二麻子能在马路边买这等食物，自然不是有钱人，必定不肯让步————我他妈一天挣多少钱？！小贩更是振振有词，说好了切多少要多少balabalabla。争执，厮打balabala……别怪人家小贩抱团，这种切了不买嘴里还不干不净的人简直太多了，唔，差不多个个都是！必须组团，不然切下来他不要，嗷嗷跑了，那他妈找谁要钱去？所以这事儿看起来真有误会，属于刚性误会——————必须发生的。
是误会吗？看起来是，对吧。真是吗？还真不是。
从南京走到北京，买的没有卖的精（伊拉克咧嘴笑了），这是放之四海而皆准的真理。王二麻子曾经去那哪儿出差的时候夜半无聊在该市火车站旁边的小旅馆嫖娼，干完之后，妓资300又格外要收瓜子费5000茶水费5000套套费5000等等不可详表，王二麻子大呼不平揭竿而起，遂被闻讯赶到的联防队罚款16万……按揭了事。
王二麻子不了解切糕那么一片会那么重，so，卖切糕的不知道吗？他没经历过类似的纠纷吗？你没问有多重，他就没说，这没错，但是一直强调切多少必须买多少，这就不对了，是吧。
不能说一车一车的切糕都是挖坑的，其中有多少不是挖坑的，您可以一车一车试过去。我和您一样，相信这世界上都是好人，因为我就是那么好的一个人。
还有一个自认为淳朴善良的王二麻子在隔壁嘶吼：我操啊，我他妈哪知道要16万啊！
可就说呢，嫖个娼怎么会花16万呢？
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